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Grief Support
If you have recently lost someone, please accept our sincerest condolences and know that we are here for you.
The 5 stages of grief can apply to a variety of circumstances including the loss of a close relationship, the death of a valued being (person or animal) or in response to a terminal illness diagnoses. The five stages of grief include: Denial and Isolation, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and finally Acceptance. They were first proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in her book Death and Dying.
Each individual is different and may not necessarily experience the 5 stages in the order listed below. To go through the grieving process, you do not need to follow step by step. Rather, you must use them as a guide to help you move forward. An important piece to remember regardless of what stage you are in is; As long as there is life, there is hope. As long as there is hope, there is life.
Denial
When you receive unpleasant news, it’s natural to dismiss it as false. During the first stage of grief, denial occurs as we try to deal with the initial shock of bad news. It’s common to feel numb. This is a temporary response we use to try and block out the initial pain from the news we have just received. When learning of unpleasant news, people tend to become overwhelmed with emotions and try to deny the facts.
Eventually, the denial will begin to fade as you begin to become stronger and heal. It might occur unknowingly as you slowly start to accept the reality of the loss and begin to ask yourself questions and move forward.
Anger
The second stage of grief that people experience is anger. While denial helps with the initial shock of receiving unpleasant news, eventually it no longer masks the pain. When denial stops working, the natural response is to turn to anger. The anger response is a result of the vulnerable feeling we go through and is redirected outwards.
Anger is typically directed at others even though we know they are not responsible for the situation. In many cases the anger is a result of believing the person who has passed away is the one responsible for causing the pain. In reality, we understand how irrational it is to think like that which can then create feelings of guilt.
Bargaining
Eventually, we reach the point of bargaining as a way to try and improve the situation. Bargaining is done in an attempt to try and regain control of the situation. As is often the case, we can be left feeling vulnerable or helpless after a loved one’s passing. The bargaining stage is where we try to stop those feelings.
Secretly people may try to make a deal with God or a higher power in order to postpone the inevitable. Common phrases people have during this stage include:
If only we had sought medical attention earlier…
We should have consulted with another doctor for a second opinion…
I shouldn’t have let them drive in that weather…
Depression
The depression stage usually begins around the time leading up to the funeral service. Typically, it occurs in two distinct parts. The first stage is a reaction to the practical implications of loss. This can include worrying about paying for the funeral service or wondering if you have planned a meaningful enough service. It is also quite common to feel like you haven’t spent enough time comforting others that depend on us.
The second stage of depression is often more personal and more private. It occurs in the hours leading up to a loved one’s funeral service. As we prepare ourselves to say goodbye, its normal to experience many different emotions and feel uneasy. Sometimes, all you need is a hug and someone to lean on.
Acceptance
The fifth and final stage is acceptance. For some people dealing with a loss, this stage may never be reached. If a loved one’s death was unexpected or sudden, it can be hard for some to ever move past the anger or denial stages. When we finally reach the acceptance stage, it means we have made peace with the situation.
A common misconception is that if you reach acceptance you find happiness. In actuality, the acceptance stage is a phase marked by withdrawal and calm. No matter what situation or stage you are in, it is important to know that there are people dedicated to helping you grieve. Our caring and compassionate staff can help you through the grieving process with advice and resources.
Sources:
Kubler-Ross, Elisabeth. Death and Dying.